I don’t think I’ve made any secret of it: although I care deeply about this hobby and very much enjoy making photos, at least part of my drive to do so comes from anxiety.

Like many anxieties, this one’s rather silly, but a day or two without at least making a few photos, and I begin to imagine that I will forget how to use cameras, forget how to develop film, produce bad scans… it’s all there.

No matter how many rolls I develop (nearly 400 now!) and no matter how many I expose (over 1,250!), something begins to gnaw at me.

I am constantly amazed at how much anxiety is driven by my *not* making photos and developing film. Like it’s all just going to evaporate if I’m not constantly doing so. It’s all very silly, yet here I am, having not exposed a roll since Saturday, feeling it.

— Charlotte ♥ (@lottiejoy.ca) February 25, 2026 at 6:06 AM

On one hand, it’s quite nice to have motivation. On the other hand, I’d prefer that particular motivational driver stay behind, while only the passion for making photos comes with me on my day-to-day.

So this week, after not making photos for *gasp* two days, I decided to load a roll of Ultramax into my rarely-used mid-’90s Pentax Espio 90MC and keep it in my purse for my travels.

While I did not get any real magic, well, at least it’s pictures!

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